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Adriano wants to find a new club. He has failed a medical at Internacional though. See if you can guess why.


Hint – It’s not anorexia.



The man’s rather turned into a walking punchline in the last few years due to his affinity for hanging out in crack favelas getting sozzled, smashing through bottles of champers on yachts and generally tucking into vats of pure goose fat as if it were natural Greek yoghurt.


It’s nearly a decade since he seemed to have the entire world at his feet when he top scored at Copa America 2004 as Brazil took the title. He went on to knob in all of the goals at Inter for a season before top scoring at the 2005 Confed Cup. Since then he’s done plenty of ill-advised hooching, club hopped like no body’s business and trademarked the ‘double sledgehammer jab of doom’ (see below).



It's a real shame, the big boned rude boi was a physical specimen for a brief couple of years, blessed with a thunderous left peg (99 shot power on PES). His record for Brazil, despite his extra curricular indulgences, reads 27 goals from 48 games. Sadly, at 31, it seems like Adriano’s career is now over and the nagging suspicion that the lad could have been a world beater had he cut down on deep fried Mars bars remains. Still, let’s not get too down on the lad, he’s still really rich and has spent the last decade going to literally hundreds of really sweet parties filled with mad-deece honeyz. Fair play old boy.


Here’s a compilation of the tubby wonder kicking things really, really hard back in the glory days. Enjoy.




Like lardy footballers? Here's our top blubsters from the Premier League. Check it.



Pete Starr


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