BY Pete Starr
A boozy game to play at the pub with your mates as you enjoy the FA Cup third round this weekend!
Two fingers of drink to be consumed -
* Any reference to sheepskin coats.
* "This their FA Cup final right here."
* "David v Goliath"
* "Potential banana skin"
* "Form books go out of window"
* Any reference to foreign players getting ‘a REAL taste of English football’. BONUS - free boozy prize to be handed to anyone who manages to spot a ‘fake’ taste of English football going on.
* "Cup fever!"
Four fingers of drink to be consumed -
* Any reference to ‘minnows’ in a non-fishing context.
* Any reference to fans of a shit team that get absolutely pumped, having a ‘great day out’ regardless.
* Any reference to Thierry Henry’s comeback at Leeds.
* John Motson unintentionally works himself into a smutty lather on commentary with some confused metaphors.
Five fingers of drink to be consumed -
* Shot of man watching a game with a dog in tow.
* Any reference to a part time players’ normal occupation. Extra finger to be drunk if player in question turns out to be a postman.
* "The FA Cup, the great leveller."
* Reference to ‘Ricky Villa’ (last one to shout Evita does a shot)
* Any reference to "both teams being winners."
* Footage of a child holding a homemade FA Cup covered in tin foil.
* Reference to the number of league places between two sides.
* Footage of people peering at a game out the window of a nearby house or perched in a handily placed tree.
Finish Drink -
* Match ball punted out of ground into car park/someone’s garden/nearby river.
* Footage of grown man holding a homemade FA Cup covered in tin foil.
* "The magic of the cup…" – Last one to shout Debbie McGee must finish their drink.
* Any reference to Roy Essandoh, Wycombe or Teletext – last one to shout out correct the Ceefax number for the football homepage on BBC Teletext must finish their drink.
* Reference to any obscure early winners of the FA Cup including: The Royal Engineers, Oxford University, Old Etonians, Old Carthusians and Clapham Rovers.
* Any jovial chat of a local food outlet creating an FA Cup related product - e.g. Garishly coloured sausages, Razor Ruddock themed pie and mash or a terrifying 2ft bust of Owen Coyle made entirely out of pies.
* Only meat based drinks may be consumed during half time – Bovril/Oxtail soup/Warm Goose Fat etc.
* If Alfie Potter is on screen, you need to be drinking.
* If Ronnie Radford’s clip is being show, you need to be drinking.
* Fan waving vintage football clacker on - all pass whatever you are drinking to the person on your left.
* Any Chris Kamara based balls up to be celebrated by all snorting a shot of spirit (straws helpful).
* Any case of Paul Merson struggling to finish a sentence – one shot of spirit for everyone playing.
* Shot of old person asleep/dead in stands – shot of rum (because ALL old people were in the Navy at some point).
* Dave Whelan mentions that he broke his leg this one time… – kill yourself immediately, ideally before the end of the anecdote. No one needs to hear that again.
These are merely suggested rules and MatchPint is in no way responsible for any possible consequences of choosing to play the game as described. This includes the loss of shoes, the theft of any street furniture or the immediate, unforeseen termination of any long term relationships.
Looking for a pub showing the FA Cup 3rd round this weekend? Look no further.